ALENAFANELA


the worst in me
June 8, 2007, 9:22 am
Filed under: The Worst in Me

{I am under the ground. We work hard, we build trains, something to do with nuclear power, yet we should not know anything about it. No sunlight, nothing but rocks, greyish-brown rocks, dull passages through them. A phone call.  A dirty white phone, hanging on a rock, in the middle of nowhere. Bad connection. I am called further down. There is some problem with my child, they say, then they hang up on me. (I have no child?) I am going through the passages, down with an elevator, through other passages. I have to find room 3a. I cannot. Then a child is going out from a room. A very little child. So little, and so serious. Dressed in an awful, big, badly laundered gown with ties on the back. A little tiny body. Enormous blue eyes. He says nothing. Just takes a brief look at me. With the whole desperation of the world. He is moving right towards the wall – or whatever it is – towards nowhere he could go further. Is he looking for his mother? I must be his mother. I am. I put my palm on his head, I caress his short soft hair. God, what could his name be. I fall on my knees to hold him. “Aljoshenka!” My hands are on his shoulders, I am looking straight into his eyes looking at mine. “Aljoshenka, little dear, I want you to know that whatever happens I will be with you. I love you. I have always loved you. I want you to remember this well. They would make us forget about it, but you should remember it with your heart.” He turns back and enters the room. I am following him. It is a huge miserable room with dirty walls and high ceiling, full with people who appear to be doctors, having scornful expressions, smoking, talking nonsense, laughing rudely. There is a big old bed near the door, covered with a rough woollen blanket. He puts the blanket aside, lays down onto the bed, covers himself and goes out like a light. Smiling. I sit down on the edge of the bed, make some useless arrangements with the blanket around his tiny shoulders. I look at him – his delicate features, his very short amber hair. I feel that great strength radiates from his little shining face. It makes everything else insignificant – the smoke, the stupid talks of the so-called doctors, the evil intentions of ignorant people, all the misery and the dirt, all the disgust. I want to protect him, but I realise it is he who protects me. I want to be with him. They will not let me. But I will remember.}


1 Comment so far
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Attention! This is not a dream!! This is real – Kateto goes to the sea and there will be 3 days fun and joy and rest and having a super-cosmic-ultra-mega-good time! Fetch us some interesting-shaped pebbles and a bottle of sea water, please… :-*

Comment by sublimeswine




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